The shadow of doubt fear and hoplessness took over from Thursday night onwards...and has failed to lift since. On such a good roll with the WW and I drink a bottle of wine in total at the gig in the pub. I wake up on Friday morning have my shower and am unable to go to work I'm feeling so bad. Call in sick. I feel like I've let myself down and I am so so disappointed in myself.
Along with the down in the dumps came the food...and lots of it at that!! I managed to horse down 2 Supermacs', 1MacDonalds, 4 Bulmers, 2 JD and Coke, popcorn...as well as the normal food which I still ate at the regular times. How disappointing can things get? I am beyond disgusted with my weight right now.
To add to that was a call from himself saying he'll have to repeat his first year in college because he missed over 20 days....that puts our lives in a total mess with me being 4 and half years older than him. I am so disappointed and feel like God is throwing so many opportunities, blow by blow to allow me to break up with him. Just when things seemed to be going perfectly this is slapped in my face. Of course I did my B Plan which was already sussed out in my head regardless of whether he had to repeat or not. Masters starting next year......weight has to be gone this year. The pressure is on.
I feel like I've run into as many bric walls as possible and I can't seem to find the light to lead to a healthy body and mind. Hitting the gym with a hot shot this evening after the Croke Park hour (which was told this morning of I might add). it's time I took control of my life and my body...It's gone too far.
It's time to knock those bricks down.
Ax
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